.huh
darkharlequin
Oh look. I still have a live journal.

weird.

ha haha ha ha h
darkharlequin
haha ha, livejournal.

How long before you go the way of geocities. Or will you survive. All I know, is that I can't think of a reason to use you other than for novelty.

music - Loved and Lost
darkharlequin
I recorded a song.
First time I've ever completed writing lyrics and music to a song
It could still use some work but I just wanted to get it out there while I was still excited about it.

It's up on my myspace music site. Harlequin Harmonies

and the lyrics:


Loved and Lost

It began through a friend
but love was in the wind
or maybe just a breeze
that left me on my knees

As soon as I saw her
could never have forgot her
I drew her down on paper
so that I could love her later

Fast forward to war memorials
First dates with graveless burials
History in the making
Amongst historical recreating

Still to shy to admit it
but could not truly remit it
Bar room lust was what we found
but love was there when we came down

What should have been a summer fling
We tried to make a lasting thing
but did not stand the test of time
and faked our acts in pantomime

Till I was left in desperation
Fear of final separation
You thought it better to ignore
Rather than to close the door

And when we severed all our ties
Admission came of all your lies
and with a lack of explanation
my answers found inebriation

I never found myself again
So someone else moved right on in
To dig away from this old hole
and find a home for this new soul

But everytime I fill your spot
it strikes me that it's you they're not
and i hate to make them suffer so
for my failure in letting go

So you keep on going back to school
To prove to someone you're no fool
It's those you hate you will become
untill you learn to love someone

So here i am a lonely fool
I try to care but find it cruel
who I love I do not want
and those I want I do not love


and now for some reason I'm dying for a taco bell burrio.
The taco man commands me.

Communism, The Olympics, and Evil Ice Cream Trucks
darkharlequin
It's funny, when I was younger, I always wondered why my friends got so involved.

politics, history, economics, debate, conflict.

that girl that wrecked me was like that. She cared about things, and I never understood, just tried to be supportive.

Yet now I find myself caring about things, talking with people, trying to educate them, and I realize partially why I tried not to care. I have no patience for people unwilling to listen. When they stop citing examples and reasons, and just start giving me middle school answers.



For some reason that I can't seem to grasp, the Olympics has pissed me off this year. The whole debacle with china, tibet, and the olympics is just insulting. Not that they've really ever been worth while, but still, I would say this is on par with the olympics when they were held in Nazi germany.



Tthe olympics are a gift to a country. The amount of political power, as well as money and jobs and economic bolstering that comes from the olympics is ridiculous, and not something china should be granted in my opinion.




People are being arrested, detained, and deported out of china for any kind of protest. They're being killed in tibet.

Protesters in the states are being assaulted, detained, and falsely charged. Not that I like brainwashing propaganda either, but what happened to the days when communism was a four letter word. Wy are our own being punished for speaking out against the wrongs of what used to be "THE ENEMY". Whom we now give all our jobs to.

I hate that communism is a four letter word. That was part of an argument I had today. My opponents argument boiled down to, Communism is evil because that's how it all turns out, even if it's great at the beginning, it was manipulated and used for evil, there for it is evil.

I pretty much quit then.

If an item or ideal is used for evil, it is therefor inherently evil..... apparently.

Pedophiles use ice cream trucks to lure children. Are ice cream trucks inherently evil?



edit:
I forgot the part of the argument that irked my the most.
This friend of mine whom I had the argument with is one of the few people I know going to college, and we always have conversations about going to college, and how I should, and how much better my life will be.
Well he turned this argument to that topic at one point. Saying that if I had a degree in political science and economics, he would be more apt to take me at my word.
He won't even consider facts and cited references, but he would forgo his entire opinion if I had a piece of paper.
Maybe if I got a degree I could role it up into a funnel and use it to shout over the rest of the morons who partied through a degree. Then again, it's a lot easier to be heard when most of them seem to be the ones serving me my coffee.

This has been a message from "The PGP"

Communism, The Olympics, and Evil Ice Cream Trucks
darkharlequin
It's funny, when I was younger, I always wondered why my friends got so involved.

politics, history, economics, debate, conflict.

that girl that wrecked me was like that. She cared about things, and I never understood, just tried to be supportive.

Yet now I find myself caring about things, talking with people, trying to educate them, and I realize partially why I tried not to care. I have no patience for people unwilling to listen. When they stop citing examples and reasons, and just start giving me middle school answers.



For some reason that I can't seem to grasp, the Olympics has pissed me off this year. The whole debacle with china, tibet, and the olympics is just insulting. Not that they've really ever been worth while, but still, I would say this is on par with the olympics when they were held in Nazi germany.



Tthe olympics are a gift to a country. The amount of political power, as well as money and jobs and economic bolstering that comes from the olympics is ridiculous, and not something china should be granted in my opinion.




People are being arrested, detained, and deported out of china for any kind of protest. They're being killed in tibet.

Protesters in the states are being assaulted, detained, and falsely charged. Not that I like brainwashing propaganda either, but what happened to the days when communism was a four letter word. Wy are our own being punished for speaking out against the wrongs of what used to be "THE ENEMY". Whom we now give all our jobs to.

I hate that communism is a four letter word. That was part of an argument I had today. My opponents argument boiled down to, Communism is evil because that's how it all turns out, even if it's great at the beginning, it was manipulated and used for evil, there for it is evil.

I pretty much quit then.

If an item or ideal is used for evil, it is therefor inherently evil..... apparently.

Pedophiles use ice cream trucks to lure children. Are ice cream trucks inherently evil?

This has been a message from "The PGP"

(no subject)
darkharlequin
It's funny, when I was younger, I always wondered why my friends got so involved.<br>
politics, history, economics, debate, conflict.<br>
that girl that wrecked me was like that. She cared about things, and I never understood, just tried to be supportive.<br>
Yet now I find myself caring about things, talking with people, trying to educate them, and I realize partially why I tried not to care. I have no patience for people unwilling to listen. When they stop citing examples and reasons, and just start giving me middle school answers.<br>
<br>
For some reason that I can't seem to grasp, the Olympics has pissed me off this year. The whole debacle with china, tibet, and the olympics is just insulting. Not that they've really ever been worth while, but still, I would say this is on par with <a href="http://www.ushmm.org/wlc/article.php?ModuleId=10005680" target="_blank">the olympics when they were held in Nazi germany.</a><br>
<br>
Tthe olympics are a gift to a country. The amount of political power, as well as money and jobs and economic bolstering that comes from the olympics is ridiculous, and not something china should be granted in my opinion.<br>
<br>
People are being arrested, detained, and deported out of china for any kind of protest. They're being killed in tibet.<br>
Protesters in the states are being assaulted, detained, and falsely charged. Not that I like brainwashing propaganda either, but what happened to the days when communism was a four letter word. Wy are our own being punished for speaking out against the wrongs of what used to be "THE ENEMY". Whom we now give all our jobs to. <br>
I hate that communism is a four letter word. That was part of an argument I had today. My opponents argument boiled down to, Communism is evil because that's how it all turns out, even if it's great at the beginning, it was manipulated and used for evil, there for it is evil.<br>
I pretty much quit then.<br>
If an item or ideal is used for evil, it is therefor inherently evil..... apparently. <br>
Pedophiles use ice cream trucks to lure children. Are ice cream trucks inherently evil?<br>
<img src="http://members.aol.com/justinmew/sweettooth.jpg"><img src="http://www.best-horror-movies.com/image-files/ice-cream-man-dvd-cover.jpg">

(no subject)
darkharlequin
College. May it all burn.

I graduated high school with no hope of college. No scholarship, no money from Mom and Dad. I was going to be bagging groceries. So I joined the Marine Corps. For lots of reasons really, but the main focus was money for college. A future.
5 years later, I got out of the military without having taken class one.
That was 4 years ago, I still have not taken a single class.

For some reason college is very daunting to me. Most things I do not fear, and can jump in and gain a grasp of fairly quickly. College, however, has baffled me. Every time I make a start, I seem to shy away.

I have lived literally right next to City college for a year now. Through the internet I was able to gain admittance, and register. Now I needed help. Today I finally put my man pants on and walked down to the campus. Found the administration office. Waited inline looking like the lost sheep I was. When I finally got to the woman, she had to be the coldest dead woman I have ever met. I'm generally an "all smiles" kinda guy, and I got nothing from this woman, including help. I was sent to the counselors office, where I sat in a chair for a while looking around the room for some speck of information as to how this was organized. There was no start, no ticket, no number, no paperwork, no explanation, just people sitting in a dingy room, with sad people behind a counter. I eventually found a piece of paper stating the 5 steps for new student enrollment. I was on the step to attend new student orientation. Which is what I wanted to find out how to do in the first place, but there was no help to be had on the website.(Which is an atrocity to the internet I might add. I felt like I needed a hand from the Rosetta stone to decipher most of it.) So to sign up for orientation I either need to:
A) go to Administration. Cold hearted hate woman.
B) go to Counseling. Dingy room full of people and no explanation.
C) Call a number. YES!!!! I don't have to go to an office. Sweet!

So I call.....
ring ring ring ring ring ring, pick-up, hang-up.
wtf...
x2
ring ring ring, pick-up, SLAM DOWN!
WTF!!!

I stopped, because on the off chance they did talk to me after that, I would shoot my own academic career in the foot before it started with my next few sentences.

THIS is why I have been daunted by college. This is why I hadn't tried. Because I hate people. I try and be nice. I say my pleasantries, and damn it I mean them. If I look you in the eye, smile, and say have a nice day, I truly wish you well. Why is it when I come in contact with people employed in a helping position, I feel the urge to strangle them for their negligent, practically vindictive, inability to do said job.

I know I'm not going to make fall semester, I still want to take my placement test. I just want to take an english class. Get started.

I could give a flying fuck about a degree. The piece of paper has no importance to me. I haven't the slightest idea of a career goal right now. I'm worse off now than as the 12 year old kid being asked what he wants to grow up to be. I have grown up, and I'm still left blank. I'm just tired of my sporadic pursuit of knowledge on the internet. I need some structure to my input.

Beyond that, I need to start using my G.I. Bill before I lose it. I've lost free money before due to procrastination, but never quite this much.

All in all it's a miserable failure to what was a good day.

College. May it all burn.

Zirk Ubu Circophilia
darkharlequin
Went last month, had a blast.
Costumes are awesome, great show. Expensive drinks.
Go out, have fun, dress up.



so many blogs
darkharlequin
Okay, I've had my blogger account for quite some time now.
I still use my personal blog WASTE OF [my]SPACE

but I just added a new one for my political/social rants that I have on occasion. So, check it out or something.

Peanut Gallery Politics

would you miss me
darkharlequin
tergiversate

verb
1. be deliberately ambiguous or unclear in order to mislead or withhold information
2. abandon one's beliefs or allegiances

A lie by it's self can not stand alone. Lies as in truth, need context to be accepted, there for, there can never be just one lie, but a supporting web of lies. So the only way to tell a lie properly is instead of telling a lie, you must tell all lies. They say the best lies are the ones based on truth, and this is true, unless you can completely isolate the fact from the fiction.

How well do you know people. Not your family, or your best friend that you've lived next door to your entire life, but just people. People you met at school, or at work. People you've met online, or just through your daily life. You put a large amount of trust in people for them to tell you at least the bare essential truths. Name, where they grew up, character clues, and clothing.

We are who we are, mostly out of habit. I don't think about why I like things, or why I react to situations like I do. I just do, and I react according to who I am. What if you changed all this.

Tomorrow, if I called in sick to work, and started selling off everything I own, I could pay off my credit cards and a decent portion of my car. Not in one day, but tomorrow could be the start. Slowly start buying new cloths and put them in storage. Cloths I don't ware, for a person I don't know. Then do some research on a few places. Places I've never been. Learn the streets. Learn the history. Learn it so well that you can quote it. Learn it like it's your history.

Create your story, your lie, all of it. Name, parents, upbringing, past failed relationships. A death. An injury. lots of misfortune, people believe misfortune. No one really believes in success. No one believes a lie about success, but they'll believe you if you say you failed, or were hurt, or cried.

If I changed my phone number, and deleted my internet presence. Would any of you know how to get to me. There are 5 people that know where I live. 1 I no longer speak to. 3 have been here once and probably couldn't find it again. Which leaves 1 person to try and find me. and would he. I'm currently considering moving, very soon, which means, I'm gone. while most people know the name of my work, and it's fairly easy to find, no one can get on base because of the restricted access.

I could start the process of changing my name.

If I sold my car off, quite my job, and just got on a bus, what would you do.

This is my life, I already feel like a stranger in my own life, and the ties that bind me to this life are very thin. If I feel like a stranger, could I actually be a stranger. Could I be someone else. Lie. Lie after lie after lie. Be the person you always wanted to be. Lie. Act like the person you always envied, and hated. Lie. If you hate your life so much, then get a new one.

could i finaly be free of this weak scared person i've had to live with my whole life.

your first reaction, the humane reaction, is to try and comfort. to try and say you'll miss me. but how much would your life change if I disappeared. don't worry about death, it's not suicide, I'm fine, just gone. you don't have to feel sad or guilty or worry about your own finite mortality. just think. would it impact your life at all. would tomorrow suddenly not happen, because I wasn't there. no. you would still wake up, go to work, and continue to live your life. nothing would change. people at my work would be inconvenienced, but not by the lack of me, but by the lack of someone. the Me is inconsequential.


and then I'd be gone, new name, new cloths, maybe new hair. get a tattoo, create a lie of meaning for it. and begin my new life. and questions about family are solved by lies about deaths and arguments. people believe lies about death and misery. confidence. if you want to sell a lie you have to be confident. but if the lie is your image, then being confident is just an act, and all the lies tie together in their web, and there is no truth of fact present to shine light on their falsity.

just walk in to my new life with a smile and a new id, and a thousand stories about my previous experiences.

all just fantasy. the fatal flaw in all this is that you have to have at least some confidence and staying power to see your actions through to accomplish this. and I have neither of these, which is the reason for the plan in the first place.

but if on some day, on some million and one chance, that you ever tried to call me(yea, as if) and you get the message, "This number is no longer in service" I might just be on a bus somewhere, wearing a very nice new jacket, with a smile on my face as I lie through my teeth.